Chalk it up as a damn fine blackboard tutorial (that'll only cost a quid)

Skill level: Beginner
Time: ​15 minutes

Chalkboards are pretty bloody handy - especially when you're people-herding at a wedding or special event. Whether it's directions to the loos, a nifty editable table-plan, the place for a mildly irritating inspirational love quote or a reminder that - yes - it is indeed a free bar (okay, that one probably doesn't require any form of signage... bushfires have taken longer to spread)  - you can almost never have too many of the things on hand. A chalkboard that's free standing?! Even better.
Yes, yes - I know, your budget is so out of control the 12,467% interest on that pay-day-advance loan is starting to sound like a really good deal... relax, I've got your back. Read on my lovely, £1/$2(ish) blackboard frames await...

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You will need:

• The cheapest, ugliest, tackiest plastic picture frame you can find. Honestly - this is essential. I bought mine from Poundland  (they're a standard item so, get in Brits!) but, of course, just about any dodgy discount store will  have the goods. 
• Stick-on blackboard cover - buy online or readily available from hobby/craft/discount stores for a few bob per roll.
• The TINIEST amount of white paint (or colour of your choice). We're just going to be lightly brushing, so go for the colour that will highlight the tackiness of your frame to maximum effect.
• Paint brush.
• Drop cloth or paper - yours REALLY needn't be posh handmade wrapping paper like mine (clearly I'm attempting to counteract poor content with pretty pictures).
• (You'll actually need scissors too).

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Method:

Step 1: Remove the glass and backing and pop to the side.
(Remember to have painted your nails because you don't want your hands looking manky in the photos. Also, grab a scrap piece of paper as you don't want to blot paint on your aforementioned posh wrapping paper in Step 2).

Step 2: Lightly dip your brush in the paint (I just use the lid) and blot any excess onto  your scrap paper / drop-sheet / posh paper.

Step 3: Lightly brush across the horrid detailing of your frame - you want to accentuate the OTT design AS MUCH as possible, so pay extra attention to faux plastic beading or faux ornate corners. I'm actually not joking - they come up really well! Paint until you've gained your desired effect - it can be as as heavy or as subtle as you like, but just remember to softly build up the layers with a near-dry brush or your paint will fill-in all your lovely/heinous details... 

..once you're happy, pop you completed frame to the side to dry. It will only take a couple of minutes.

Step 4: Measure out the blackboard contact using the glass (or plastic) of your picture frame.
Try to show off your fab wedding / engagement rings as much as possible.

Step 5: THE. FUN. PART. Despite the fact you still have nightmares about covering your school books... fear not! This time it will be different! (Truthfully - it really won't. Sticky-covering ANYTHING sucks the big one). Simply peel pack the top of the blackboard film, apply to the glass, and cover away. Go slow and push out the air bubbles as you go. DO NOT get frustrated and smash the glass in a huff. Perhaps try making cups of tea in 5 minute intervals. 

Step 6: Press out any final air bubbles.

Step 7: Voila! Grab some chalk and finish the job with your pithiest phrase. I welcome your very best puns in the Comments section below!