On balance, my bum has been pretty good to me. Sure, we've had our moments... like, anytime I have attempted to:
So, err... I have some news.
No, I'm not pregnant (a process which, for me, would involve months at a fertility clinic and therefore completely contradict the title of this post. I suppose there's always immaculate conception but let's be honest, "surprise" wouldn't exactly capture that scenario either, would it?). Let me show you:
This post is one of the hardest things I have ever written.
(At this point, you may be sceptical, as clearly I haven’t actually written anything yet. Technically, you're correct (not to mention pedantic). But the difference between us is: I know what’s coming.)
It occurred to me in the shower the other day (ah, the shower – the source of all thoughts worth thinking) that my life, or rather, my online/shared/documented life was very much like one of those barely memorable home auction shows from the early-90s. You know the ones? Location, Location, Homes Under the Hammer, Flog My Joint Because I can’t bare the Sight of It for One More Minute, that sort of thing. These shows were essentially edited in the same (apparently successful) formulaic manner:
A big dollop of love from my finger tips to your screen (I promise that's not as creepy as it sounds). xx