Figuring out what you want to be when you grow up is hard. Like childbirth hard. At age 5 you can answer the question effortlessly (a cleaner (true story)), at age 10 you’ve matured in your tastes (Screen Goddess), by 16 you’re confident (after all, you picked your university degree... Business Woman Extraordinaire), at 19 you’re questioning your degree entirely and by 21 you just want to get the bloody thing finished - zero shits given to the topic. By 25 you’re genuinely shocked you’re not yet CEO of a global conglomerate and at 27 you’re aware of being groomed for the hazy, soulless abyss of meaningless middle management. At 29 you realise everyone around you hates their job as much as you do and at 31 you’re so disenfranchised you quit the whole bloody mess to start an Etsy shop hand sewing wedding ring pillows.
So please, dear reader - I’m deferring to you for help. You see – I think... nay, I know – I have finally figured it out. After years of agonising over impressing my boss, working obscene hours, impulse buying domain names for dream businesses and relying on carbohydrates for general get-up-and-go, I have finally heard my calling.
The only problem is, I’m lacking – statistically - about 5.2 inches.
What I’ve come to realise by watching and obsessively re-watching hours of RuPaul’s Drag Race is that I was born to be a drag queen. Unwilling to commit to the gender reassignment required for the purpose of dressing as my current one (if that’s not a modern conundrum, I don’t know what is) – I’m (genuinely) imploring you for your thoughts and ideas on what I can do instead!
Here’s what excites me about the prospect of a career as a Drag Queen:
1. Entertainment is king / queen
From the judges' achingly witty run-way commentary, the celebrity-serving fun of the Snatch Game to everything that ever left the lips of Bianca Del Rio, a drag queen's job is all about delighting audiences and bringing their very own brand of joy to the stage and screen night-after-night. A bit of schtick, miles of sequins and a whole lot of sass... that's Entertaintment, Hunty!
2. The style. Oh, the style
Ru's gowns. Ongina's millinery. Shannel's fishy swimsuit look. Manila Luzon's pineapple dress. Raja's entire wardrobe. Jinkxy's fox stole. Roxxy's sequins dresses. Alaska's finale wig and gown. Courtney Act's face. BenDeLeCreme's EVERYTHING. Violet Chachki's breath-sapping corsetry... please world, give me an excuse to serve Marilyn Monroe Does Comic-Con style in my average working day.
3. You NEVER take yourself too seriously
Like a bloke in a dress, if you can't laugh at yourself - how the hell are going to laugh at anything else?! Can I get an "Amen"??
4. Creativity, originality and individuality are celebrated
No cooker-cutter suits (Mama Ru's kaleidoscopic tailoring and Executive Realness excluded), no blending in and no towing the party line. Ru's winners are funny, fierce, fabulous and never apologise for making a mark; prop blood and hypodermic needles included.
5. Nothing is ever too OTT
Come on, life is short. Why hold anything back??!
If you have any thoughts, ideas or (please!) opportunities of what I could turn my perfectly manicured hands to, I’m all dress-diamond-adorned ears! Of course, I acknowledge there IS a female drag scene... so maybe it really is the answer?!
A big dollop of love from my finger tips to your screen (I promise that's not as creepy as it sounds). xx